I Find It Sad

(I wrote this in July 2010 about six months before my friend Jim Allen went to be with the Lord. You need to know to understand this, that Jim spent his life serving the Lord, sharing the good news, and helping others discover the truth of life. What I wrote was not wisdom, not even helpful to anyone except me; for me it was my repentance to the Lord for the feelings I had about the close of Jim’s life. I should be better than this, but I was not on that July day of 2010 in a Nursing Home in McAllen, Texas.)

I Find It Sad

I find it sad that a man who walked so many miles telling others of Jesus cannot walk by himself to the bathroom.

That he spends his days sometimes wondering where he is and why and then in moments of complete change he remember everything. Sad that so many of those whose lives he touch, whose hearts he change, and who will always be made whole because of him do not know.

I am Sad that he, this faithful servant of the Lord, lives on just $60 dollars a month.  How do you pay for a little insurance to bury you, maybe a phone to call an old friend and a few, very few cokes each month.  Jim always did love cokes. They really can’t do any harm now, I will leave him money for one each day.

I wish I had someone to blame, somewhere to lay the charge and believe that all is ok.

Now I know that I should be better than this, stronger than this, after all I am a Christian and a preacher. But there is no real wisdom there even knowing better it is hard for my heart to feel better.

I remember those moments fifty seven years ago, the prayer, the promise, and now I wish I had done more for my friend.  Better advice, given wisdom, made him prepare for this time, but I did not and time cannot be changed.

I will do my best today and weep for yesterday.

Ivan

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Published in: on March 7, 2013 at 11:55 pm  Comments (1)  

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  1. Well, this cuts deep in my heart too! If NOT for His Grace, I would be the biggest failure ever, even though the scripture you used today has been my favorite since I was little. David, Vicki and I had similar feelings about Pat and HP.
    Ivan, I know of few men who have loved God and others so well. Keep going Brother as The Lord knows Your Heart!


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